1. RUN

Every morning at Palefish starts with a fucking JOG.

WHY did no one tell me this before I agreed to fucking come here? I WOULD HAVE MADE DIFFERENT CHOICES.

I’m literally about to call Neal and demand he come pick me up, like I’m a maladapted child at her first summer camp.

Yesterday morning I was finally sound asleep after a long night of tossing and turning and spiraling and missing the Hawthornes, and then all of a sudden Lydia, our house leader, was banging on our bedroom door.

Now, I’m not having nightmares every night like I used to, but that doesn’t mean I was prepared for someone to bang on my door and shout at me at 6:30 in the morning. I wouldn’t want that even if I wasn’t a bundle of raw trauma, but as it is I literally fell onto the floor, flailing and bracing for danger.

There was no danger. Unless you count my roommate Andie thinking I’m an insane person, or, you know, dropping from exhaustion which is a distinct possibility.

Like, it’s a LONG JOG okay. We start at the arena and run all the way around the grove, around the far pastures along the edge of the orchard, down along the beach, past the docks and back up the hill to the school again.

I am quite literally incapable of doing it. I mean — just absolutely not able to do it. Hilariously not able to do it.

We’re all out there, from the lowliest, sleepiest little minnow, all the way up to the graduate students. I saw Robert and his friends all out there this morning, in their new white workout uniforms, the bottoms of their shoes flashing at me as they breezed past.

Rook of course just handles it, la tee da, but Bass and I are winded before we get to the grove. And the fucked up thing is that we run with our whole class, and no one is allowed to finish the circuit until we’ve ALL finish it. So take a minute to just……… soak up the absolute fucking humiliation.

Every day I am this 👌🏻close to getting on that damn ferry and hitchhiking to the nearest cryptid hunt.

We literally all have to do it. Adeline Maxius is literally blind, and she puts her hand on someone’s shoulder and does the whole run without so much as a moment of hesitation. Jake Javerin does the whole thing in his chair. Angelica Marsh has a bad knee and we thought she’d be off the hook, but nope, they just sent her to the nurse and she came back half an hour later with a fixed up knee and had to run the whole thing before any of us could go to breakfast.

It’s a total nightmare.

Plus the mornings are cold here. Misty, and muted, fog hanging low over the meadows and between the gnarled rows of trees in the orchard.

So far, we’re taking the full hour to get through the run, but we’re always the last class back up to the arena. For all the upperclassmen, the run is just a warmup and by the time we get back they’ve all already moved on to some other physical activity.

Robert and his friends all fence. I literally cannot imagine running this whole thing and still getting back to the arena in time to change into their fencing gear and train for an hour.

“It’ll be you soon enough,” the PE teacher, Professor Alban, said this morning when she caught me watching.

Lies.

2. Hide in my room

It is the first week of college, and the air is alive with the thrumming desperation of lonely youths.

Everyone is trying to make friends, any friends. Please, we’re all silently begging at any given moment, please don’t make us eat/sit/walk to class/sleep alone.

So humiliating. 60 new Palefish students, and not a single one of us immune to the existential dread of facing a cafeteria full of peers and not knowing where to sit.

Not that we’re all equally effected by any means. I, for example, have Bass, even if he is my ex boyfriends roommate. Some of the kids here are completely alone.

Socially we’re from all over the spectrum around here, but we pretty much fall into three groups:

There’s the kids like me and Rook, who are here because they got caught up in some spooky business that either made them cryptid obsessed, OR ruined their lives so thoroughly that they have nothing else to do. Or, like in my case, both.

Then there’s the kids like Bass, who have magic heckin powers and are here to expand their magical knowledge with other like-minded magical students. There aren’t as many of those. Bass is the only proper coven witch in our year, and apart from him I think it’s mostly just a few psychics.

And finally, there’s the kids like Robert and all his friends. Or that girl Marina and her group of friends. Or even like my roommate, Andie. Legacy kids. You can like… basically smell them coming. They float down the halls in expensive fabrics with shiny hair and they all seem to know each other.

That is three groups of radically, hilariously, different kinds of people. You can imagine how we’re all getting along.

Thank goodness I have Bass. Genuinely, I don’t know what I would be doing.

3. Worn a uniform

Behold the Palefish uniform.

I look so fucking ridiculous.

No ok I’m sorry I’m for sure being dramatic, it’s really not that bad. Like slim cut black slacks, or dark pleated caftan skirt, white button up shirt, little black neck ribbon that isn’t quite a tie, and the piece de resistance a literal TAILCOAT. I feel like I’m running around this place dressed like Britney Spears in the Circus music video with much worse hair.

You should have heard the Neal and Julian laughing when I told them on the phone.

Very funny boys.

4. I’ve gone to class

Actually, I’m supposed to be doing homework right now. We have an essay due on Monday, just a couple pages recounting everything we learned over the last few days in class. I’m up in my room, and Andie is at their desk typing away, and I’m caving to peer pressure and pretending to also be writing my essay, but actually I’m writing this.

It’s Friday. We don’t do homework on Friday, that’s not the kind of person we are.

Class is fine. Boring.

So far we’ve only had one class in the morning right after breakfast, taught by the Minnow house leaders, a couple grad students.

“We’re just here to walk you through orientation,” said Lydia, the first grad student, a short, frizzy-haired girl who already wears her glasses on a chain around her neck despite being 25 maximum. “Next week you’ll begin a modified class schedule while you learn about the different tracks you can take.”

“For now,” said Charles, the other grad student. “We’ll just give you a brief overview of the history of this school, and the information you need to know to make the most of your time here.”

A brief history has thus far been six hours of mind numbing lectures.

Agony.

My essay is supposed to be a brief history of Palefish, but unfortunately all I remember is that it’s a symptom of imperialism, just like everything else in this horrible country. Apparently the British guys who studied cryptids in the 1600s had like a whole secret society and they build Palefish to be their center of operations. And it’s pretty much stayed that way ever since.

But then in the mid oughts (literally, like 2006) a young upstart chosen one — Lana Sorely — decided it was time for Palefish to cut out it’s closed door policy, and start accepting a wider number of students.

And thanks to her, now I’m stuck here. Once again Lana, thank you so much for intervention. I have homework now.

Earlier, Bass had the audacity to say, “wow, my first homework assignment!” because apparently his education was entirely handled by his coven and he’s never been to a proper school before.

“You’d be surprised how much and how quickly you can learn stuff when the primary function of your schooling isn’t just to occupy your time so you parents can adequately participate in capitalism,” he said by way of explanation.

Lol I’m totally anxiety spiraling about homework right now, sorry, Andie’s typing away and it’s got me all in my head hahaha. What if I’m a terrible essay writer? It’s not like I was ever a standout talent in school.

Which leads me to the #1 thing I’ve done since coming here:

5. Wondered if coming here was the right move

Hour for hour, this is probably the thing I’ve done the most, and tbh I still don’t have an answer.

For starters, I’m not convinced this place is actually all that much safer than it is out there.

A huge part of our lectures over the last two days is a scared-straight style rundown of all the different ways kids have died here historically. Just like, a long list of 20 somethings who’ve died in terrible magical ways.

For example:

Kirsten Cleary went into the orchard to read in the spring of 1945 and four hours later her bleached white bones were found seated under a tree, fully dressed, her white blouse absolutely pristine.

At dinner in 1922 Dante Algrini was part way through his roast beef when the students next to him noticed a strange buzzing sound which seemed to be coming from underneath his jacket. Within minutes he’d dissolved entirely and in his place was a swarm of wasps.

Only two years ago and in front of a considerable crowd, Sarah Allstead climbed onto the lip of the fountain, spread her arms wide, fell face first into it and was never seen again.

And that’s just three I can remember off the top of my head right this second. Literally, they will not stop talking about dead Palefish students.

According to Charles and Lydia, this is to demonstrate why and how to take care over the course of our educations. Like in drivers ed when they show you those morbid videos of dead kids in car crashes (not that I took drivers ed).

All I’ve gotten out of them is that I’m no safer here than I would be out there in the real world, hunting with Neal and Julian. Unless they’re protecting the world from me hahahahaha

Next week we’re starting our tour of the council department. There are three our orientation Not quite real classes, from what I understand — before our real classes can start we all tour each of the colleges.

There are three colleges here at Palefish: Bellhoof which studies cryptids and hunting; Willowa College, which studies the arcane; and then Saint Niveus, which studies… the archives? I don’t really get it tbh and I don’t really care because I’m going to join Bellhoof obviously.

In the meantime, there’s a party at the beach tonight.

The only reason I know about that is Bass invited me lol no one is inviting me to parties. But Bass — I mean, everyone loves Bass. As they fucking should, Bass is the best and if I hear a single word about his all-weather cargo shorts and open toed shoes I’ll bury them. Not that I’d have to. Bass is immune. He’s literally a witch wtf are you gonna say?

Apparently there’s always a party on the beach the first Friday back to Palefish. Funnily enough, I already know where it’s going to be — this won’t be my first bonfire on the beach at Palefish, remember? Last time I was here, we had a bonfire on the beach which Lana herself attended, which is so funny because if I tried to tell someone that now they 100% would not believe me. Only Rook and I have that information now. Not that we’re likely to discuss it.

Rook and I are unlikely to discuss much of anything. That has not improved in the last two days. Between us there is only an endless gulf of awkwardness.

Oh someone is knocking, I think it’s — yep, Bass just shouted, “Open up it’s time to party!”

Lol Andie looks terrified. I wonder if they’re coming with us. I have to go, if I don’t show back up tonight, I’ll update you suckers on Monday.