Today was our last day of college tours. We start our actual classes on Monday, which means we’ll have like… actual class loads, and tests to study for and everything. To say I’m dreading that is an understatement.

Andie’s thrilled. Or they were earlier anyway. So is Rook for some godforsaken reason.

“It’ll be nice to get back to something normal,” he said with a shrug as we made our way down the hill towards the arena after lunch for our final Bellhoof intro class.

“Yeah, I’ll try anything once,” Bass replied.

“Homework?” Andie asked.

Bass grinned. “Normal.”

“No need to get comfortable!” Elena called as we plodded across the arena, scuffing our shoes in the soft footing. “We’re touring the stables today.”

This was by all accounts exciting news. None of us had been allowed in the stables yet, and after the Orkai goats, everyone was excited to see what else we had on the island.

“Alright everyone, we’re only going to have you exploring stable one today, so there’s nothing too overtly dangerous, but even so, I’d like for everyone to please group up, alright? Buddy system is essential.” Sam paused and added, “Actually, that’s pretty solid advice for all your time here on the island come to think of it.”

We followed them across the arena towards the stable doors, listening as Elena said, “All the stalls are clearly marked with who is inside, and what they are, but still, I recommend keeping your hands to yourselves. If you have questions of course let us know.” She opened the stable doors and stopped.

“Oh! Hello!” she said to the little scrap of darkness that was standing in the middle of the walkway. She turned and smiled at all of us. “Have you all met Void Cat?”

We hadn’t, but when she said Void Cat I realized that indeed, the little scrap of darkness was cat shaped. It blinked it’s big yellow eyes at us and stood up to come nearer.

“What’s Void Cat?” Wayne asked, backing away. Everyone was sorta backing away, which made sense. There was something about the little creature that inspired a slight, creeping dread.

“Ah,” Sammy said cheerfully. “We’re not really sure, actually. Just don’t pet it.”

“Why not?” Marina asked.

“No idea,” Elena said. “That’s just the rule.” And when that didn’t satisfy us, she laughed and added, “That’s THE rule around here: don’t pet the cat. I think it’s the only rule everyone actually follows.” Then she hesitated. “Not that — listen, follow all the rules. You all have to follow ALL the rules, when disaster ensues around here it really ensues, so follow all the rules — but definitely don’t pet the cat.”

Void Cat meowed, but it actually sounded more like many cats meowing in unison. We all winced. Lynlea Bettercourt clapped her hands over her ears.

Void Cat was not the only wonder we saw in the stables. Closest to the arena were all the Orkai goats, who stuck their noses over the top of their gates to nudge us with their velvety snouts, asking for sugar cubes. But there were other creatures in the stalls beyond them. In one stall there was this huge, black bird, bigger than an ostrich, that was shaped like a strange combination of a crow and a great blue heron. In another there was a huge, long snouted creature that had no eyes, enormous, powerful claws on it’s front legs, that snuffled at us with these huge, strangely expressive nostrils.

There was a Hailu dog in the stall at the end, who’s short, tufty tail wiggled and her great nostrils huffed as Bass, Rook, Andie and I approached it.

“Is it… dangerous?” Andie asked, hanging back.

“It can be,” Rook said, pointedly, as I offered her my hand to sniff.

“Oh she’s alright,” I said, reaching to scratch her snout as the great beast made a whining sound and tried to push her nose through the wooden bars of her stall.

Lol I felt like Neal. Like, am I actually this comfortable around gigantic cryptids, or am I just showing off? Jury’s out but either way I was having a grand time. It felt like I was finally doing something I’m good at, like finally yes, I do actually have a place on this awful island.

“I wonder if we can go in and pet her,” I said, mostly to get a reaction out of Rook, but I was looking around for Elena to ask, which was why I saw Marina and Lynlea at the stall next to ours, peering in at what appeared to be a perfectly normal elk. I don’t know if they saw us, but they were talking loudly enough that when Lynlea said, “Can you imagine putting in all the years of sweat blood and tears to be accepted to this place, and then when you get here decide to attend Bellhoof?” all four of us heard her.

Marina snorted, clearly in agreement. “Not all of us put in years of study,” she said, and I don’t know this for certain, but I swear she was saying it to me. “Some people just get in because Lana happens to like them. At that point you might as well just go to Bellhoof. Better Bellhoof than flunking out of Saint Niveus.”

Lynlea laughed.

Listen, I don’t know if they meant for us to hear them. In retrospect I don’t even really care. Like, now I’m able to look back on it and understand that they’re elitist assholes which is a fucking gross look so fuck them.

But at the time — and I really hate to admit this — all that relief I was feeling, all that channeling Neal, evaporated. It felt like someone had poured water over my head.

Rook and I exchanged a look, but neither of us said anything. I think we were both trying to decide if the other was going to be offended, so I was surprised when the person who actually said something was Andie.

“Ignore them,” they said, off-hand. “Marina’s just bitter you didn’t have to sit exams. You’ll prove them wrong when you join Saint Niveus next year.”

There was a beat of awkward quiet.

“I’m not joining Saint Niveus,” I said.

Andie was affronted. “What do you mean you’re not joining Saint Niveus?”

“I’m going Bellhoof,” I told them.

“Me too,” Bass said. “At least, I think I will. I’m considering sorcery.”

Andie’s eyes bugged. “But you were selected for —” but then they stopped and glanced at Rook. Because see, they’d been about to say that we were all selected to join Saint Niveus’ secret society which we’re not allowed to talk about. But Rook hadn’tbeen selected to join the secret society we’re not allowed to talk about. He likely didn’t even know it existed.

Rook looked between us but we couldn’t meet his eye.

“Selected for what?” he finally asked.

“Nothing,” Andie said, color rising in their cheeks.

He looked right at me, brow creasing, and for the first time since coming to this stupid island it was like we were on the same team again. I opened my mouth to try and explain — but of course I couldn’t. Literally the words to explain wouldn’t come out of my mouth. All I managed was, “secret club.”

Rook’s eyebrows raised. “Oh,” he said.

There was a moment of agonized quiet.

“It’s just really hard to get into Saint Niveus,” Andie said, voice slightly shrill. “So if you get picked for —I mean it’s a huge…” They stopped. “Sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter,” I said, but after that the shine sorta went off the rest of the afternoon.

Now it’s after dinner and I’m sitting in my room with Andie and it’s awkward again. It’s not like I’m mad or anything. It’s just…

Okay, I know I’m a totally average kid, raised by a single mom in a small town. I know that if it weren’t for a series of random accidents, I would be completely unremarkable. But I’ve never felt it so acutely before. Even at home I was like… happily hiding all my insecurities behind a veneer of caring about nothing hahahaha. For a moment this afternoon I really felt like at last I could shine a little bit and then some pretty, rich girl says some rude thing and just like that I felt so small. I don’t even know if I can blame Marina or Lynlea for that to be honest. Like damn am I really that delicate?

I miss the Hawthornes.