I know I know I was supposed to be back already. I’ve been dreading coming back because I don’t want to talk about the holidays. I dyed my bright green if that gives you an idea of how it went.

I don’t want to talk about it.

Instead, I’ll talk about the new quarter at school.

We’ve been back for a week, and it’s already super different.

For starters, we’re not just running anymore. They’ve started us on combat training. This morning when we got through our lap around the island, there were targets lined up along the wall in the arena. They’re starting us with archery, but the class above us is learning handguns. We can hear the gunshots after breakfast.

Our classes are different, too. More intense. Minnows are all still filling out our prerequisites, but they’re already starting to funnel us towards our prospective colleges.

I don’t care. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to learn anything from these fucking ASSHOLES. And I don’t just mean the students either, I mean the teachers, too. I mean not Lily, but most of our professors are the same fucking assholes that came here. Even the Bellhoof professors are from the old families, they’re just the younger, more rebellious siblings of the Saint Niveus professors.

It’s so claustrophobic here I want to scream.

LOL okay I told myself before starting this entry that I wasn’t gonna just complain through this whole entry — not that I have ever used this account to do anything but complain hahahahaha this whole blog is just Shiloh’s 24 Hour Sadness Show.

But we’re gonna try some positivity.

1. I almost managed to pet Voidcat yesterday!!! I was sitting on the roof outside my window last night after dinner, and Voidcat came and sat right next to me. I was literally like reaching out to pet him when Andie poked their head out the window and Voidcat spooked and darted off across the roof. BUT I WAS SO CLOSE! (Yes, I know, I’m not supposed to pet Voidcat. I want to so bad)

2. It’s beautiful here. It has to be said. I mean yeah it’s fucking freezing all the time, but the snow on the rooftops and in the orchard… it’s undeniable. Walking across campus makes me feel like a different person. It makes me want to become the version of myself that studies hard, and has in-depth discussions about magical theory and like… wears a ribbon in her hair or something. Hahahaha

3. Over break, Andie and Bass walked in on me bleaching my hair in the Crossroads bathroom, and Andie was like,

“Oh, god, what are you doing?”

I didn’t know what to say, so I just looked at them and Bass said, “Wait, do mine, too.”

And now all four of us half green hair. Neal snorted beer out his nose when he saw us. He says he loves it but I from his expression I could see that he Knows.

But this is a positives only list so we’re not talking about that.

3.5. Imagine Marina’s face when the four of us showed up back on the island with the same shade of bright green hair. Hahahahahhahaha

At dinner on our first day back she said to Andie, “The holidays were great, thanks for asking.”

Andie blushed and didn’t look up from their knees so I told Marina, “They didn’t ask,” and that’s the last thing Marina’s said to any of us in the whole week we’ve been back.

4. Actually that deserves it’s own point: Marina and her fucking friends aren’t speaking to us. I mean yeah, they very clearly hate our guts or whatever, but what are they gonna do, glare at us from across the room? Who fuckin cares.

Okay Andie cares and for their sake, I also care. They get all tense whenever Marina’s in the room.

Last night Andie even tried to talk to her as she walked past us in the library and Marina completely ignored them, and Andie’s face was honestly heartbreaking.

I said, “Andie, she’s a bitch.”

“Jesus Shiloh,” Bass said, nudging me with his elbow.

But it’s true, Marina’s the WORST.

“No she’s right, it’s okay,” Andie said miserably. “But she’s family, you know?”

I don’t really know. My only family is my mom, and she’s great. But I’m starting to get the impression that compared to the rest of Andie’s family, Marina’s a sweet precious cherub.

Still though, thrilled she’s pretending we don’t exist.

5. I don’t know if this is a good thing, but fuck it, I’m deciding it is.

Bass still wants to give that spell a shot.

“Just to give it a shot,” he said, absolutely casually, sliding into a bench across from me in the library.

Andie glanced at Marina, who was sitting by the window with Lynlea, Terran, and March.

“It won’t work,” they said. “Without Marina, we don’t have anyone with an internal source of magic.”

“It wouldn’t work with or without Marina,” Bass shrugged. “None of us are parents either. I just want to feel like they felt, you know?”

“They all died,” Andie hissed. “Remember?”

Bass rolled his eyes. “Yeah, but they also had all the prerequisites. It won’t work when we do it.”

I mean, he’s right about none of us being parents but hahahahaha he’s definitely missing some information. But even with my… thing, he’s right, we’ll still fail.

I know it’s been a while so in case you’ve forgotten, the spell to shout through the void to other worlds (lol what is my life) has four prerequisites: magic from an inner source, magic from an external source, a life taker, and a life-giver.

We don’t have that! I mean we have more of it than Bass knows, like Bass doesn’t know I can raise the dead (lol WHAT is my life) but even still none of us has an internal magic source, not without Marina. So what’s the harm in giving it a shot, right?